I wasn't even a cat person!

So it's been quite some time since I posted on here.

I just wanted to recognize the year anniversary of losing Reggie.

Having Taz helps a little...at least I don't miss having a cat, and since he was once Amy's cat, well, all the better.

But I miss Reggie.

Rest in peace, honey girl.

Reggie (aka Zen Kitty)

April 3, 1993-December 8, 2003

No one is reading this blog anymore.
(and so just to WHOM am I writing this?!)

So I'm going to stop.

Which makes me sad. I began this journey shortly after I had Reggie put to sleep, and the *ending* (so to speak) of this part of the grieving process is another loss associated with losing my little girl.

Thank you to all the readers and commenters (again, who the hell is going to see this?! Oy) who went on this journey with me.

*meow*

So...he's adjusting.

He still wakes me up at night, or early in the morning.

He is being much more playful, baiting me to chase him, running around, attacking random pieces of scotch tape that happen to be on the floor.

He is laying in, well, more relaxed positions on the couch...crashed on his side like a lion, or head tucked under, paw over eyes. Reggie used to do that, get into what I called a "donut", flip her head upside down, and cover her eyes with her paw.

At one point over the weekend, I was sitting on the couch, a friend was on the other, and we were talking. He got up on my couch, and curled up.

I looked at him, and it just HAPPENED. Like a bolt of lighting; I can remember the exact moment.

I fell in love.

This is quite delayed...although methinks no one is reading this but me anymore!

However, in the outside chance that someone is...here is Taz.

I've been feeling Amy's presence in a weird way since Taz arrived.

I mean, how could I NOT?

But it's sort of new, sort of uncomfortable, and, as with all things that make her feel close, oddly comforting at the same time.

Wish I could blog more about it. It's still sort of ethereal, out there, about an inch past my reach, just outside my understanding.

I miss her.

And I'm so grateful to have him.

I notice little things every day (like him not waking me up today until SEVEN THIRTY!!!!!)...last night he laid next to me on the futon while I was working, for the first time.

Right now he's on the bed...laying down. I have yet (until just now) to see him lay down, actually lay his head down. A sign of comfort, of vulnerability. It's heart-melting. I can actually feel the softening in myself. I loathe to disturb him.

And so we go...

He really seems to be adjusting.

Tonight, for the first time, he got up on the futon while I was doing work and curled up on the blanket next to me.
I got a pang, because Reggie used to do that.

He's still very needy...I sat down and thought about it tonight; for more than half of his life he's been shifted around, taken to different places, and had great variability in his care and bonding.

So no wonder he's needy.

Last night I told him what happened to his mom...and told him how much I loved her, and how he came to me right after I lost Reggie.

In the middle of this he made that "watch it" meowing sound, that sound that signals "I may get freaky deaky any minute," but he let me finish, then gave me a look and jumped off the bed.

Who says animals can't understand us?

I miss Amy. And Reg. So much it hurts. And I'm so blown away, not only to have him to love, but to look at him and feel that both of them sent him to me.

What an odd scenario I'm living right now.